Tag Archive: feeling
There’s something that has been on my mind today, I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind, unfortunately. This being last night’s nightmare. At the time, I didn’t want to write anything down as I was so freaked out, I forced myself to stay up for an hour or two though. I didn’t want to continue the dream at all. Thankfully, I’ve always been able to wake myself up from the dream when things get scary and/or when I just don’t want to continue the dream. More often than not, when I do wake up myself, I fall back asleep and continue where I left off. Being afraid this might happen, I keep myself up for a little while before falling back asleep.
My immediate reaction as I woke up, was that something’s terribly wrong. I immediately knew the dream was significant, just not understood it (still don’t understand). The dream left me anxious and very uneasy. The last, and the only, time I had felt anything as dark, was the night (even the exact hour) Whitney Houston passed away. Although the feeling was somewhat different this time, it still left me very freaked out.
I guess I’m naturally an anxious person, I’ve realized. As such, I’ve had plentiful of nightmares throughout my life. Right before I left the wonderful Bulgaria, I found a Native American store where they sell Dreamcatchers. I purchased one medium size and one small one to protect me at night. I have both of them hanging on each side of the bed. I thought they would protect me from such dreams. After talking to my dear friend about it, she suggested that it may be a sign that something is out of my power. That it’d be something big and very important. I had already felt the significance of the dream. What I personally had been afraid of was that I would have been attacked by something higher negative entity. In fact, that was one of my initial reactions upon waking up.
The said friend had a strange afternoon at work as well. Making me wonder what is going on, if it is something that may be more universal, not just for me. I may never find out the ‘truth’ but it definitely has given me something to think about for awhile! Furthermore, as I was talking to her I realized that yesterday, or last night for me, was the start of a New Moon Cycle. I forget the exact time when this was supposed to happen but this leaves me contemplating if this would have anything to do with the timing of such a strange dream!
Having had such a bad night I was extremely exhausted so I fell asleep for an hour or two earlier today. While I was napping, I had another dream. I felt that this dream was somehow connected with last night’s dream, as if it was trying to explain how I got to last night’s dream. This is the feeling I got anyways. However, I don’t really understand what the connection would be or how I ended up from such a completely different place to what happened last night.
In any case, I feel something big is in the works. I feel something happening in about 6 months time, possibly life-altering. Only time can tell what will happen in the end. Right now, I can only go with my intuition. I fully trust that. I pay so much more attention to how I feel in my dreams rather than what is happening, which has given my dreams a deeper meaning.
Life on the blog has been quite quiet recently. I’m still suffering major malfunctions with the computer. I’m having conversations inside rather than talking about it. I’m going through something bigger than life that has gotten me to think of what’s important to me in life. And right now, I’d like to keep it inside. One day I will share my story. One day, I will lay my soul bare naked for you to read. I know in my bones I’m meant to help others with my story. I’m not ready yet. I still need to go through it internally until I’m ready to open up completely.
One day this past week, I was so fed up with the computer that I nearly threw it out. I didn’t actually throw it out but I decided to get off it for a minute and start doing other things, such as organize the house, go get some groceries. Then I started something. I started a process. After a long, long time, I actually sat down, took a pen and my small notebook (the only notebook I have here) and started writing. I felt so overwhelmed. I wanted to say so much but my hand wasn’t as fast writing as it is typing so I forgot some of the things I wanted to write about.
That day, turned out to be one of the most beautiful days in awhile. I learned a few things of myself, I let my emotions burst. Most importantly, I felt so incredibly inspired. I felt bliss, love, enjoyment, beauty – all the most gorgeous things one could ever hope for to feel. That day, I had an epiphany. Suddenly, I knew exactly what I want and need to do. What I will be heading towards. I have not told anybody about the actual things that I hope to achieve, only just frictions of it to just two people. Like always, I’m asking the Universe to help me achieve my goals.
I know I will achieve these goals, I just need patience and perseverance. I can’t give up. I can’t let go. I’m devoted to make this happen. I know I’m meant to do something big in my life. But before I can do that, I need to start loving myself and accepting myself the way I am. This is my starting point. For all of my life, nearly 25 years, I have not been able to do this. I’ve battled with it more than I can tell you right now. It has reflected on the outside in so many different ways. And I’ve realized that until I fully love myself and accept myself, I won’t be able to achieve the goals I want to achieve.
What is anxiety? It comes out of worry, stress, fear. Why do we get it? How can we make it go away? I believe it to be an illusion. It is a feeling that man has made. It embraces negativity. Most often than not, you don’t even know where it comes from. I believe it is something this world lives on. In fact it feeds it. When is the last time you saw a good piece of news in the newspaper or on TV? Can’t think of any? That’s is one way to feed the fear in you.
Anxiety is a spiral of other negative feelings. Anxiety triggers worry, making you doubt your whole belief system, which makes you want to be over-controlling, which in the end will trigger panic. Recognize at least part of this cycle? Personally, I do. I have felt anxious for a long time. That is until I learned to put it in control, it took me a very long time to get it under control. I tried so many different things. I stopped following the news for one. I do realize that there are a lot of negativity and wrong doings in this world of ours but by listening to it, seeing it everywhere, only makes you feel worse about yourself.
It even went to the point where I felt trapped. I felt that I cannot do anything, or better yet, go anywhere. Everything started closing in on me, and all I just wanted was to get out. If you’re a frequent reader of my blog, you know that I needed to make a change in my life this year. This is partly the reason. I’m a huge optimist, I think in each situation there is a positive side, there is a lesson to be learned. Without going through what I went through this year, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog, hoping that there is someone out there who can resonate with me, and that this blog will help them get out of that spiral. I broke free, so can you!
If not taken care of, anxiety can lead to depression. Anxiety can lead to panic attacks. Anxiety is negative, causing stress, which in the end will harm your body. One of the reasons why I personally felt anxious was because I didn’t have nature around me. When I went back to nature, to listen to the sounds of Mother Earth, that really revised my view. Water is a very important element in my life. I love to go swimming. You wouldn’t believe how much it affects you and your body if you don’t drink water. As of recently, I’ve started to truly take my time when I drink water, making sure that my feet are completely on ground from toes to sole of my feet. As crazy as that sounds, water is very important to your body and make sure that you drink real water every day!
One way to break free of anxiety is through meditation, through opening your chakra’s. I haven’t fully been able to open my chakra’s completely, but I know that I get one step closer each time I meditate. Meditation is important because you concentrate on the now, and nothing else. In this busy world of ours, we forget to stop, even for five minutes or just a minute. You listen to your body through meditation. Listening to your body, and its needs, is extremely important! Without it, you won’t know what your body needs, and which parts of your body need attention at that moment.
I still battle with anxiety at times. Some of my own wounds need to heal. It will take a little while, but like every wound heals with time, I know mine will, too. I just need to give it time. So, my advice to you in regards to anxiety is, acknowledge it. Listen to your body, listen to what needs most attention, through meditation or another way. Remember to stop every once in awhile. Love and nurture yourself. Nourish yourself with water and other real foods. Learn to love yourself, and accept who you are, unconditionally.
These are just a couple of things I have learned to be helpful when I have dealt with anxiety, to find inner-harmony. Give yourself time.
Many things in life is an illusion, some even say that love is one of them. I do think that some things are illusions, such as anxiety, being busy, constantly having to hurry from one place to another, stress – these are all man made feelings. Love isn’t. Love is not an illusion. In fact, love is so powerful that it unites us! It is out of love that we have held various different events for raising awareness or raising money for a country that has been through major disasters, it is out of love that we come together to be united, it is out of love that we try to find similarities with one another. If you have thought that love is an illusion, think again. Why do you do the things you do? Why do you listen to your favorite band or artist? Why do you see your friends? Why do you go on a date? Why do you do anything really? You do them out of love.
If you feel that you’re trapped in a place where you don’t want to be – be it a country, a job, a study, or any other situation – surround yourself with love. Find the beauty, find the love out of every situation. Sure you can wallow in negativity every once in a while, but don’t let it take control. Tell yourself, this is enough and ground yourself. Most people forget to breathe, they forget to stop, they forget to listen to the inner voice. When you forget to do this, you feel disconnected and not centered. Whenever I feel that way, I try to ground myself. I put my feet on the ground, so that the whole foot touches the ground or floor, I close my eyes and take at least 5 deep breaths. This helps me so much, and it only takes a minute. This is a rather powerful exercise when you do it correctly, when you’re completely still and don’t think of anything!
Most of the people listen to their head rather than their heart. This is wrong. Head is attached to intelligence and your ego. Ego is based on fears, anxieties, well basically anything negative. You should always listen to heart. This is hard, especially since we have been thought to follow our heads, we’re supposed to study and have a diploma, we’re supposed to work to be able to pay the bills. This all is man-made. We used to trade things instead of pay money. I like that concept much better, I’ve never liked the concept of money!
In my previous post, I said I was wondering why I feel such love towards Caribbean countries. I think I just got my answer – it is because they don’t worry, they don’t stress. The pace of life is much slower, allowing them to enjoy every moment of their lives. That is what I’ve been craving for lately. I think deep down, that is my home. I must have been from there in my past life or something. This is not the first time Caribbean has called me. I feel a strong, a very strong connection, to go there and I don’t know why. I mean, it must be partly what I just said but I feel it’s bigger than that. That is where my heart is longing. I should follow my heart but my head is stopping me. Right now, I will stay where I am. However, I will make the best of what I have here and try to enjoy each moment. Positive thoughts, but most of all, l-o-v-e will get you where you want to go. Hatred and war/arguments will only embrace negativity.
So, in conclusion, love is not an illusion. Love is a feeling that unites us all. After all, we do live in a small world. World that we must take care of. Love one another.
