This last song choice of mine means a lot to me. I love this song. She has worded my exact feelings. So many times, have I thought I want to leave, I want to change. Life is all about change. Especially these past 12 months have been full of major changes, and it won’t stop anytime soon. I will miss, and I do miss, certain parts of what used to be. They are memories, beautiful memories made. They are treasures, which you don’t go to everyday, but occasionally because you want to remember them.
In my previous post, I talked about emotions and how certain artists are raw in their music. This is one of the most honest, and most raw, songs I’ve ever heard! The first time I heard it on the album, I could feel the pain coming through. I saw a documentary of Christina Aguilera on MTV, and I remember her just laying down in the studio while singing this song. She only rehearsed this song once for the VH1 Storytellers because she wanted to keep the song as raw as possible (that’s why she has the lyrics in front of her). If you just look at her body language, the posture, touching her neck/hair, rocking back and forth, you can just see that it isn’t easy to sing this song.
Singing has always been a way for me to deal with my emotions. I know I’m not the best singer, at all. When it’s for your private purposes, who cares really? Music in general has been a way of dealing with my emotions all this time. You could even say that music is my best friend – it’s there whenever I need, it has gone through the good and the bad with me, it hasn’t disappointed me, it hasn’t given away my secrets. Music is my everything.
When I was in my teenage years (gosh, that makes me sound old!), there was this one song that I could just bolt out of me. I love this woman, she is very special to me. Her Stripped album is the best album she has made in her career, simply because she stripped herself to the core and let her emotions out. It is a very raw album. I haven’t seen anything as raw from her since then – and it’s been nearly 10 years already!
Now, when I’m in that place, I find myself listening to the wonderful talent, Adele. She just gets my emotions going. The song below is a raw song to me, and each time I start to sing it, I end up crying. Tears just start falling down my cheeks. I don’t often listen to her because she is very melancholic with her music.
Just when you thought you had it all figured it out. Life throws you curve balls and suddenly you see your life flipping upside down. What have I done? Where to go now? I’m scared. Scared of losing control. Scared to get lost. For things to go from the known to the unknown. What should I do? I talk about following your heart but when in all reality, I’m terrified. I need to remind myself who do I live for – myself or others. I’m not comfortable, I feel so uneasy.
I’m angry.
I’m mad.
I’m frustrated.
I love.
I laugh.
I enjoy.
I’m afraid.
I’m terrified.
I’m lost.
Is this really how I’m really spending the last days of this year?
